Dear men – we don’t owe you a thing

It’s a lazy Sunday morning and I’m in bed playing on the phone while cuddling the puppy. I come across this article and puke in my mouth a little bit, realizing that I’m one of the lucky ones.

Another school shooting. But yet different, another white male angry that he wanted a woman, and that she didn’t want to be with him.

The domestic violence statistics are staggering. Twenty five percent of women have been the receiving end of physical abuse from a domestic partner. And that’s only the beginning

In my situation a few months ago, I wish he would have just hit me, I would have gladly taken that over the fresh hell that he made my life for two months. Every woman has this story, the man they rejected, that went over the edge into insanity and pulled some wild shit.

I, just like Shana Fisher did, had a man who for some reason felt that I owed him. A man that pushed, and pushed, and pushed to demand that I go out with him. I didn’t do anything crazy, I just said no, and held my ground, despite the threats. But in his eyes, I didn’t have the “right” to say no. What mattered is that he wanted me. He had no conception of the reality that I wanted nothing to do with him, no matter how many times I backed away, didn’t respond, and finally told him I didn’t want to date him.

Thankfully, I wasn’t murdered like Shana was, but let me tell you, I’m sure if he had the means he would try. I’m far enough away from it now to be able to talk about it… but its scary to look back on just how far some people go..I got two months of death threats, sending my information out to the public asking for them to send me death and rape threats, threats to ruin my career, go to my boss and my licensure board and make up tall tales (which of course would be thrown out, but not before long crazy board investigations and hundreds in lawyers fees). Mental torture knowing that because I simply told a boy no, I had to watch my every step, avoid parts of town, cut people out of my life. All because of the word “no.”

I’m not quite sure when the word “no” became ok to backlash against. I thought we were in 2018, but I hear about this more often than you’d think. I see it daily, when someone asks you out online, and you politely decline, and then the barrage of harassment or calling you four letter words start. For some reason, men feel that if they want to be with a woman, that’s just going to happen, we don’t have the “right” to decline.

I don’t know how we got here, and I don’t know how to get out of here…but something has to give

In speaking with a close male friend last week, he lamented that a girl he had been briefly seeing “ghosted.” He was upset that she didn’t tell him no, or reject him face to face. As much as I hate the term ghosting and feel like it is one of the most disrespectful thing that someone can do, I TOTALLY understand it. Because she doesn’t know if you are one of the “normal” men who will say “hey cool, have a good life” or if you will turn into an utter psycho like this shooter, who feels that NO doesn’t apply to him.

This has my mind uneasy today…I don’t know how we turn around from here and go back to a respectful culture

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