4 easy rules for men for online dating (if they dont want to be considered a serial killer)

In thinking about this post, this could generally be applied to more general dating populations. Boundaries and certain sensitivities need to be kept in mind, as if you date online, its usually a semi stranger, and we always consider if this date could lead to our next photo being on the side of a milk carton.

Online dating already has its own air of creepy. Sure there has been some sort of online dating has been around for the last 15 years, but Tinder has become a household name now, and everyone has their horror stories about online dates. Some of these apps, you only get a name (which is maybe real), and age (which is real unless its over 45, then add another 5-10 years to the truth)

Males also need to be aware of the general male creepiness (if you need more proof see the previous blog). Some of us already know you have 50+ pounds and may be able to out muscle us, and we want to be able to see if you’re a creeper first before we try to be with you alone in a dark alley…So if you want to know how to not instill fear in the hearts of females..some gentle suggestion to our male population

1. Don’t say anything to me online that you wouldn’t want another man to whisper to you in prison.

“Hey baby,” “Hey sexy,” “Hey gorgeous” being the top three. First things first, we all know that these apps are shallow as hell, so you obviously have some physical attraction to me, because we know you’re not swiping right on Sally, 36 with her three cats who is 350 lbs, and wears make up like Mimi from The Drew Cary Show. We know you’re already attracted, but we want to think in our heads that you saw some light of our interests, or our smile, and aren’t just stuck on how much our bodies give you a boner.

2. If we get along, we’ll have sex, so stop trying so damn hard. It only makes you look gross and desperate.

Isnt that why were all dating? We want to find one person to mate with for life and forever after ever (or for some of you, forever after until the next morning). Its not the 1950’s, unmarried people openly have sex, and if we like one another, at some point we will too. It may be today, it may be six months from now. So stop acting like you re never going to get any and your dick is going to shrivel off unless you hump a woman at once with godspeed. No you dont have to make jokes about having sex. No I don’t want to see your damn dick pic (seriously, this isnt a pretty organ boys..)

3, Stop inviting yourself over to my place. I’m not trying to be the feature Hallmark Movie :Remembering, Rebecca Sanity.

We know we are smaller than you likely. We know that you may be athletic, or not, or have weapons or not. Hopefully by the time we meet you, we are comfortable with the idea of spending time with you. But if we’re smart, we dont want to meet you for the first time in ANY non public place. Just so you know, the smart ones of us set things up (damn it ladies, you better be doing all of these)

-If I meet you at a bar, I’m always going to tell the bartender/server that its a first meet up and to keep an eye on me and check in, and pre-tip them for the help

-I’m going to have a “bailout call” where someone will check in and give me an excuse to take off

-At least 2 people know where I am, who you are and as much info I have on you, and your number. Just incase you try to take off with me.

-I’ve googled the shit out of you, know your last name and probably where you live.

-I’m always going to grab a drink or coffee first, just incase youre psycho and I dont want to be stuck somewhere forever. I’ll always have plans or a meeting just right after so I have an excuse to go.


4. Instead of trying to have us over, meet us at Starbucks!

Dont even try and be creepy by having a romantic date, just put it out there and meet somewhere public.. chances are girls are much more likely to meet you sooner then too! Use the excuse of my sister/best friend/aunt/mom online dates and know she likes to meet somewhere public first, would you like to _____? Or dont even say anything! Just toss it out there! Trust me we wont think that youre any less interested, we will just breathe a little easier.


I’m sure there shall be many more rules in the future…. what rules do you suggest?



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